I've never been close to my dad. It's all I can do to email him since talking on the phone would be very awkward. I haven't talked to my brother or sister since Christmas since my sister flipped out at me. I understand emotions were running high since it was the first Christmas without mom but a little restraint goes a long way. I figure out relationship is now going to go the way mine did with my dad... we're essentially not going to talk. I don't trust my sister any longer. I barely trust my dad but I'm torn because now he's the only parent I have left so I would feel horrible if I didn't make some kind of effort. My mom might not be here anymore but I feel like she is somewhere... or maybe it's the memory of her that is living on in me so I kind of do things for her that I think she would want me to do.
My goodness I haven't cried about my mom in a little while now. As soon as I started writing this I turned into a puddle! Maybe that's a good thing as that's a good indication I was stuffing my emotions away in a little box. The stress from that kind of behaviour is never good so maybe my mood will... improve a little?
I just look back over my apartment and picture sitting on the couch with my mom and we're talking about work or cooking or we're watching a show she likes. I could see her trying to pet Mynx and I can almost hear her voice and see her expression as she'd look at the new arrangement of my furniture.
It seems so wrong that she's not here to do any of that.